All I Need
by risokura
Summary: No matter what happens, we're in this together. FangLightning.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own FFXIII.

**A/N:** Sequel to _On The Other Side of the Mountain_.

xXx

**All I Need  
**

xXx**  
**

"_Do you ever relax, love?" _

_It was just the two of us at camp; everyone else had been off getting supplies, leaving the two of us to mind base by ourselves. She was currently sitting across from me, her legs crossed with her lance balanced over one of her thighs. She was leaning forward, her chin propped up against her intertwined hands. Her typical facial expression of arrogance graced her features. _

"_I'm talking to you, Sunshine." _

_I _**hated** _that stupid nickname. And she knew it, that's why she was so fond of using it. "Don't call me that." I snapped, glaring right at her. _

"_Call you what?" She asked, fending innocence as her grin grew wider, "Sunshine?" _

xXx

There are days when I look back on all of this and ask myself was any of this even real?

Am I living in a dream?

I believe our existence becomes concrete from the moment we are conceived. After our birth, reality becomes what we come to understand about it. I suppose what defines our reality …also defines our fate. Many claim that our destinies are determined the minute we are born. Idealist's may claim otherwise by saying that we are the makers of our fate; we choose how things run their course and no one else.

Perhaps they were predetermined, perhaps not. Whichever claim is the one that holds the truth, it is undeniable that the flow of time that leads us to our fate is inevitable.

I ask myself, does it really matter? We cannot change what we cannot control, even if it lies within our realm of understanding. We can only make do with what we have. Perhaps that's what I was supposed to learn from this whole thing. From becoming a l'Cie, to running all over Cocoon and Pulse to try and escape the inevitable flow of time, this inevitable fate. There was nothing I could change about it.

You know, she once told me that I think too much and over analyze everything. She said that I needed to learn to let things go, and let myself be swept along with the steady flowing current of life rather than constantly fight against it. But I can't help it. I can't go through something like this and act as if my life-as it was, or rather, as it is now-is the same. As if I'm supposed to just close my eyes to everything I've heard and seen and go on as I used to.

My reality now has become something different from what it used to be.

xXx

_I went rigid as soon as I heard her invade the space I resided in. _

_I felt one arm slide around my waist, the other coming to rest just above my shoulder blades. I could feel her fingers press gently into my backside, as she pulled me closer into her embrace. I allowed myself to be pulled into her arms, feeling somewhat dead on my feet as I stumbled forward. I could smell her, she was all around me. Her scent was so hard to place sometimes; the closest I got was something akin to raw wilderness. Just like her. The arm slinked around my waist squeezed me tightly just as I went to rest my forehead on her shoulder. _

_I was tired, so god damn tired. I barely registered the words that left her mouth when she spoke. She nudged me gently to try and evoke some response out of me. When I failed to acknowledge her, she brought the arm resting along my shoulder blade to my chin and nudged it upward so she could look down at me. _

_As she dropped her hand from my chin when I finally looked up at her, I saw that her eyes were piercing, even in the dimness of the night. Her expression held no inkling of her usual joking disposition, but was rather serious. It was here that she allowed me to break down in her arms. As much as I tried to push her away, she held fast to me. Almost has if she were wordlessly telling me that she wasn't going to let me go. _

_I had never felt as vulnerable in my life as I had in these past few weeks …ever since we'd all become l'Cie. With these walls crumbling down around me at an alarming rate, I seemed to be at a loss of what I should do with myself. I had tried to hold in what I was feeling that entire day, but I just couldn't anymore. _

_I never liked crying. It was messy, it hurt, and it made me feel weak, like everything I had tried to bury was breaking free. As if crying proved I had no self control. I tried to stop it at first, fighting between allowing the tears to leave my eyes and trying to hold them in by breathing calmly, but they still were still coming out no matter how hard I tried. "I'm fine." I said, the moment I looked away from her piercing gaze. _

_The lie in my voice was evident before the words even left my mouth. She could tell from my body language—she was an expert when it came to these things. My stiff shoulders, controlled posture, the rigidness of my entire body. It just screamed out to her that something was wrong. _

_Fang didn't say anything at first. She simply pressed my head into her shoulder, her hand fingering my hair gently as she appeared to be massaging my scalp. Pressed as I was against her body, I could faintly hear her heartbeat beating strong beneath her breasts. I could feel her voice vibrating against where my ear was pressed against her chest. "Stop trying to be so bloody strong when you know you're not." _

_When I didn't respond, she simply tightened her hold around my waist, and kept her hand firmly positioned toward the top of my head, still running her fingers through my hair. I only focused on her heart beat. Steady and strong, sort of like a gentle lull. She was …this was …she was safe. _

_If I had to come up with one way to describe her, it would be …safe …and warm …comforting. Like home. …Soft, and gentle. …This …this was …I hadn't felt warmth like this ever… I instinctively brought my left hand up to my face, grasping the bridge of my nose loosely and pressing my fingers against my eyes. _

_I wasn't fine. None of this was fine. _

_I could feel the pressure building in my chest, my throat, and my eyes. "Let me go." My voice wavered, sounded small even in my own ears. _

"_No," She said, "Let it out." _

_I took a deep, shuddery breath and tried to exhale. When I opened my eyes slightly, my vision was completely obscured by tears. "Fang." I began again, moving my hand away from my face, to lightly touch on her tattooed shoulder to feebly push away. "__**Please**__." _

_She didn't respond, just simply kept up with the constant stroking of my hair, now accompanied by her rubbing my upper back. Fang wasn't budging now matter how hard I tried to push her away. I tried to take another deep breath, but felt my chest getting tighter the more I tried to breathe. Let it out? That's what she had said …right? _

_At first, I screamed and tried to fight with her one last time. She held fast to me no matter how much I pushed and screamed at her to let me go. When my yells of frustration finally died wn, and I had no more strength to fight, I completely lost it. I cried. I cried for what I couldn't save. I cried for what I had lost. My future, my past, and the things I couldn't change. _

_Cocoon, my father, my mother, Serah …everything. …Even her._

xXx

I remember her asking me once, "What are you afraid of?"

She already knew the answer, but she wanted me to say it. To be honest, I never allowed myself to feel fear when it came to my future. Some people consider change to be frightening, but it happens whether we want it to or not. We all go through these periods in our lives where things we thought would stay the same change and become something different. Sometimes for the better, other times for the worst.

Ever since I was fifteen, I've always felt like I was alone. I had my sister, yes, but ...what does a fifteen year old know about surviving in the world when they've been sheltered under their parents since their birth? What does a fifteen year old know about protecting her younger sister? I was no adult, but I had to be at that age. In these past six years, I had to learn what it was to never be afraid. I had to protect my sister and make sure she was safe. I would sacrifice my well being just so I could be strong for her.

To be brutally honest, I'm afraid of being weak.

I'm afraid that although I've somewhat accepted the fact that things are different now, I won't be able to adapt to this change in my new reality. I'm afraid that I'll be stuck in this mindset where I can't budge from what I once knew into what I know now.

Being made into a l'Cie was …a bit of a sobering experience. During that time, we all lived by the principle that time is precious. You don't know how long you'll have with someone until their gone. My parents, Serah, Fang.

...All of them.

xXx

"_You all right now?" She asked me when I went quiet. My eyes were raw, my breathing somewhat labored, and I felt lightheaded. I simply focused on trying to re-regulate my breathing and calming myself down. When my grip on her shoulders loosened, she began to speak again. "Sunsh—" _

_I cut her off before she could finish calling me that accursed nickname. "I'm fine." I mumbled into her shoulder, not bothering to spare her a glance. _

_She began patting my head affectionately again. I merely sighed into her neck, as she played with the part in my hair. Her other hand rhythmically rubbed my back as she seemed to be swaying gently. After a little while she pulled away to meet my eyes. _

_Smiling gently, she fingered my cheek with her thumb and then dropped her hand to her side. With one arm gently splayed against the small of my back, she nodded her head toward the exit of the alcove we were in. "Come on," She said, nudging me in her direction. _

"_Fang." I began, tiredly, not exactly willing to move from where we were just yet. _

"_Just come on." She slid her hand along my back, and connected with my hand, tugging at it slightly. _

_Waiting for me to show some sign of acceptance or relinquishing command to her, I begrudgingly sighed, which she took for a yes. I was dead on my feet nearly when we started walking. _

_The whole episode from earlier had left me a little worse for wear …but I admit that I was starting to feel a little bit better, more like my former self. Halfway through our little walk to wherever, I let go of Fang's hand—which took some effort seeing as she refused to let go—and followed wordlessly behind her. _

_She never led too far, always staying close to me to make sure I was still close. I gathered we were wherever she wanted to bring me because she stopped walking and seemed to go about scouting the area. When she was done doing whatever it is that she wanted, she dropped to the floor a few feet away from me and extended herself into the grass. She looked up at me with those wild emerald eyes and patted down at the spot next to her. "Come on." _

xXx

The whole l'Cie mess? It broke me in a way. Not in the classical sense where I became a broken shell of my former self. More so, I grew beyond myself, I had to learn to adapt. I had to learn to change. Being that we never had a break on Cocoon and we had to keep moving, it was on Pulse that I would say everything truly came together.

We all had our reasons for fighting. Sahz, for his son. Hope in his attempt to get stronger and stop running away when things turned difficult. Snow the ever optimistic, 'hero', hell bent on protecting Cocoon and seeing Serah again no matter what it took. Vanille …and Fang …ultimately they were fighting to reclaim a lost focus, and myself?

Looking back on it now, I have no idea what I was fighting for.

Seeing my sister again would be the most probable answer, but what else? Wasn't there more to our journey than just fighting for those we loved or against our focus?

I think about how things went on in those days. How I flew through so many emotions on our journey. Rage, anger, fear, hopelessness, apathy, courage, determination …my resolve. Our resolve. I constantly think about where I finally made the decision to fight and to stop fighting against what could be considered to be my fate. What had been deemed to be my fate, but I wouldn't allow it to become as such.

Serah often tells me I've changed.

The day she woke from crystal stasis after we defeated Orphan, the two of us sat down and had a long talk, probably the first one we'd had in years …ever since our parents passed that is. Apart from telling her exactly what had happened on our journey leading up to our awakening, we talked about other things. Things that I swept under the rug and never gave her the chance to express.

From the death of our parents, the catalyst for all of this to come. …To my inability to provide any kind of support for Serah besides that of physicality …and everything in between. She tells me she doesn't blame me, it's all right. As her older sibling, I was taking the brunt of everything just so she could retain some peace and innocence and have somewhat of a normal life.

But you know something? If it weren't for Serah being made into a l'Cie, none of this would have happened. I would be where I am now, I wouldn't have this insight, I could be dead right now for all I know.

In some ways, I owe her my life.

These days, things are a lot easier between us. I've learned that she's capable of taking care of herself and that I don't have to play the role of the overprotective guardian all the time. That's not to say that if Snow steps out of line I won't hesitate to kill him, but that's a story for another time.

xXx

_It seemed like we talked for hours before Fang and I had settled into a strange quietness as we lay on our backs simply taking in all that was around us. _

_"All right now, love?" She was still propped up on her right elbow, but her left arm had drifted from the small thatch of grass between us and migrated toward my right hip, her fingers gently outlining the curve of my hipbone. I should have been unnerved by her current bold display of …this wasn't affection, was it? I suppose she was seeing how far she could go with me tonight. I had let her get close to me earlier, how far could she go? _

_I merely closed my eyes and sighed in response to her question. I was too burnt to even speak even more. She took that as an invitation to lean closer to me. I opened my eyes to find her leaning over me, "I'm fine." I whispered, looking up to meet her gaze. _

_She began stroking her fingers over my hip bone again, rubbing her thumb over where the bone was most prominent. That …somewhat endearing… charismatic smile unfurled over her lips as she leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. Once was enough to make my heart skip a beat… that was still something new that I had yet to get used to. It was chaste—she pulled away as soon as she had started. "You sure?" She asked me, just as I opened my eyes to watch her pull away. _

"_Yes." I answered again in the same tired voice I had used from before. She smiled gently at me, and moved her hand up my side to rest underneath my jacket. I closed my eyes again, exhaling gently as I felt her lying on the grass beside me again. _

_She remained quiet for a while, simply running her hand along my left side and allowing the two of us to just enjoy the silence and peace of the moment. I was bordering on the land of slumber when I felt her stir and press her lips against my cheek. _

_Exhausted, yet still alert, I opened my eyes to find out what the disturbance was, but once my mind realized it was just her I exhaled slowly and closed them yet again. …It was nice here …being as we were. I wasn't used to being in such close physical proximity with someone, but given the circumstances and the position I was currently in …I welcomed it for once. _

_She moved her lips away from my cheek, landing a steady stream of kisses down my jaw line, across my neck and just below my ear. _

_I thought she was done, so I settled back down into the grass, expecting her to do the same. That was …until I felt something wet and warm grace the outer shell of my left ear. I flinched instinctively, my eyes shooting open as I was about to look at Fang. _

_Before I could do so, she leaned down to my ear to whisper one thing.  
_

"_Relax." _

xXx

Despite all of this, I suppose you can say that things are easier these days.

This world has a long way to go before its back to normal. Everyone has lost so much but I suppose there's much more to gain despite it all. Serah and Snow are going to get married eventually, and as much as I was against it so long ago, I can see Snow's intentions are still pure and Serah …well she's happy …and I'm happy for her. Sahz and Dahj are making up for lost time …as are Hope and his father.

In regards to the people of Cocoon, it's hard to describe what our relation to them is like. They don't regard us as some heroes that they need to elevate on some golden pedestal, but they seem to look to us for some type of guidance. Everyone seems at a loss with what they should do with themselves, but I think they'll work themselves out. We've overcome the impossible before, why not now?

As for myself, I don't feel like I'm rushing around blindly anymore. I don't feel like I'm pressed for time anymore, things come at an easy pace and I've adjusted myself to accept things as such. I guess this is what she meant when she said I had to allow the current of life to sweep me along gently in its currents.

I often rise before dawn breaks, these days. While all is still quiet, I make my way out of the old orphanage, down the road leading to the docks and sit there, quietly waiting for the sun to break over the horizon.

By time I get there, the sky is usually in the beginning of its transitioning period. The darkness lightens, and gives way to every color imaginable. First the blues, steadily flowing into green …yellow …and this brilliant mix of orange and red. After awhile, the sun comes up like a giant ball of fire, burning bright. It's during these times that I find myself sitting on the edge of this new dawn, watching the darkness of the night dissipate as the sun breaks over the horizon.

…In a sense, I feel like watching the day begin each morning gives me a sense of renewal.

I don't bother to flinch when I feel a warm sheet drape over my shoulders, followed by two long bronzed arms settling in over my shoulders. Her weight soon drops down behind me and she leans forward to embrace me, rubbing her cheek against mine as she settles in behind me.

**Thinking again? **

I can't explain how she came back, but when she did, it was almost like she had never left. The past doesn't matter to me anymore. As long as she's here with me to greet the future, that's all that matters.

The …sheets are warmer these days …and the days aren't so long. We have a long way to go before any of us retain any semblance of normality in our lives again. Change will come, I know this.

And … it'll be alright as long as she's by my side.

xXx

_She brushes a few strands of hair from my face, running her hand along my cheek. Her eyes are vibrant, even in the dim light that hangs over head. _

_I know what she wants to say, there's so much that we both want to say but there's no time for any of it. There's __**never **__any time for anything. Each moment is precious—she knows this too, as well as I do. She closes her eyes, pressing her forehead against mine so we're pressed almost completely together. _

"_Light, whatever happens tomorrow …or the day after …or any other day that follows that one …" _

_She breathes shakily, her hand reaching down to find mine so she can intertwine them together. _

"_No matter what happens, we're in this together." _


End file.
